Give Them Grace, Introduction

...The primary reason that the majority of kids from Christian homes stray from the faith is that they never really heard it or had it to begin with. They were taught that God wants them to be good, that poor Jesus is sad when they disobey, and that asking Jesus into their hearts is the breadth and depth of the gospel message. Scratch the surface of the faith of the young people around you and you'll find a disturbing deficiency of understanding of even the most basic tenets of Christianity.

-Elyse Fitzpatrick, Give Them Grace

Does this message sound familiar in your home? What are your children hearing when you go together through times of teaching and discipline? I think sometimes this is as far as we get in my home. I was hugely convicted by this sentence. I think I've even said many times how sad Jesus is to see them unloving towards their sibling. I just had to sit in awe and ask, "Is this really what I am teaching my children?" Do I really teach them that their behavior is what matters more than anything? Even in talking about the condition of their hearts, an expectation is set before them, a standard that they must meet. In the hairiness that is parenting, I realized I need to be even more intentional to make time for deeper gospel conversations and be more diligent in my own preparation for them, so that they will flow easily from my mouth in times of frustration and discipline. I recognize that this will be a grace from God.

The reason that sentence is so startling is because it brings light to a way of Christian parenting that has been going on for generations. In the words of Elyse (I may use her a lot!), "...Instead of transmitting the gloriously liberating and life-changing truths of the gospel, we have taught our children that what God wants from them is morality." Are we giving them more than simply lessons on morality? Yes, we read scripture, and yes we tell the story about Jesus and what he did. But even then, we teach that doing something (asking Jesus into their hearts) saves them. Abraham was saved without moving a muscle but by the saving grace of His Father (and his heir!) We place a huge emphasis for our children on their behavior and obedience (which is not bad, by the way, but it is not the most important aspect of our parenting) Elyse puts it this way, and it is startling, "Instead of the gospel of grace, we've given them daily baths in a "sea of narcissistic moralism" and they respond to law the same way we do; they run for the closest exit as soon as they can."

Another kicker, when we begin to think about what we're really teaching our children, we need to ask ourselves, "Does simply a moralistic teaching really look any different from the teachings of a Mormon parent or that of a moral atheist parent?" What makes the Christian message distinct in how it permeates the hearts of men (and our children!)?

Thinking much on this today...

A new book!

Nathan and I are beginning a new book together. Our last read was a marriage book, which - I don't know why God graced us in this way - was, by far the best book on marriage I've ever read. It was all about the gospel. Every square inch of it breathed gospel. It was incredibly refreshing, realistic, helpful, and encouraging. I LOVED it!
Oh! What was the book? "What Did You Expect?" by Paul Tripp

But on to the new book we're reading. It's written by a Christian counselor (Paul Tripp is also a Christian counselor - I don't know why we tend to love what is coming from this field of labor right now, but we DO). I'm not familiar with Elyse Fitzpatrick, but as we've been waiting for the book to arrive, I've read snippets here and there of her work and have seen a few interviews of hers as she explains what her book is about. I'll put a link to one of the interviews. It's a long one, so I'll tell you that the portion more relevant to parenting is at the 31 minute mark, and then, after that, you won't be able to turn the interview off. She has such a different mentality for parenting, and I LOVE it! I love the language she uses, and gospel, gospel, gospel rolls off her tongue so easily.
Elyse Fitzpatrick on the Gospel and Parenting


Also, I wanted to add one of the first paragraphs that I read in the book. It really causes us to question as parents what we want to see most in our children. Do we want to see them as obedient little ones or as little ones driven by the gospel?
Just in the forward (written, not by Elyse), we see the message take shape.

What would things look like if Satan really took control of a city? Over half a century ago, Presbyterian minister Donal Grey Barnhouse offered his own scenario in his weekly sermon that was also broadcast nationwide on CBS radio. Barnhouse speculated that if Satan took over Philedelphia (the city where Barnhosue pastored), all of the bars would be closed, pornography banished, and pristine streets would be filled with tidy pedestrians who smiled at each other. There would be no swearing. The children would say, "Yes, sir" and "No ma'am," and the churches would be full every Sunday...where Christ is not preached.

- Christless Christianity, Michael Horton

Looking forward to the book, especially in the face of parenting woes I'm experiencing these last few weeks. I am seeing how my expectation for right behavior, even Biblical behavior is not enough for these children. They need more. I want to give them grace. Oh! And the name of this book? Give Them Grace, Dazzling Your Kids with the love of Jesus. Very excited!